Hogwarts Rules
by NicolaThePotterHead144
Summary: 94 Hogwarts Rules


Guys This Is My 94 Hogwarts rules Enjoy  
>~Nicola<p>

The Hogwarts Rules

No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.  
>2. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".<br>3. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.  
>4. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".<br>5. I will not ask Lupin if it his time of the month.  
>6. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.<br>7. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.  
>8. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.<br>9. Professor Flitwick's first name in not Yoda.  
>10. I will not refer to the hippogriff as "Horseybird".<br>11. Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that.  
>12. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums".<br>13. Neither does he respond favorably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie".  
>14. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.<br>15. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"  
>16. I will not refer to "The Grim" as a nice doggy.<br>17. I will not refer to Professor Lupin as a nice doggy.  
>18. There is no bring a muggle to school day.<br>19. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts."  
>20. "Putting down Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.<br>21. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".  
>22. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice.<br>23. There is no connection between Hitler and Voldemort.  
>24. I am not allowed to declare "Official Hug A Slytherin Day."<br>25. I am not to wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school.  
>26. When in the presence of the Dark Lord, I must call him The Dark Lord. Not 'Snake-Face, the Dark Lord Happy Pants'.<br>27. I am not allowed to ask any of the Malfoys if it's "true that blondes have more fun"  
>28. I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office'.<br>29. I am not to hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout 'I... GOT... THE... POWER!'  
>30. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout 'To the Batmobile, Robin!'<br>31. Or 'Thunder, Thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, GO!'  
>32. I am not Voldemort's illegitimate love child.<br>33. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.  
>34. I do not have a Cyberman Patronus.<br>35. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.  
>36. Taking red paint and writing creepy messages on the walls is not funny, either.<br>37. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.  
>38. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on the school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.<br>39. It is generally accepted that Cats and Dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.  
>40. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.<br>41. It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a T-shirt that says 'All the good-looking ones die young' with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.  
>42. The Easter Bunny is not Jesus's Animagus form.<br>43. I will not write forged letters home to the parents of Muggleborn first years detailing the Satanic rituals they are learning.  
>44. Locking Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter in a broom cupboard together to see if hot gay sex will occur is not appropriate.<br>45. The four houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.  
>46. Teaching first years to chorus in unison 'The amazing bouncing ferret' whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong.<br>47. No matter what I say to the Dark Lord, I will never make him laugh.  
>48. Murmuring 'I see dead people' every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.<br>49. I will not replace Professor Snape's Pumpkin Juice with Skele-Gro, and it was not an honest mistake.  
>50. I am not funny. No matter how much I make myself laugh.<p>

51) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball  
>52) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office<br>53) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter  
>54) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick<br>55) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar  
>56) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination<br>57) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"  
>58) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.<br>59) I am not allowed to joke about Remus's "time of the month"  
>60) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand<br>61) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals  
>62) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"<br>63) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"  
>64) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot<br>65) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it  
>66) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive<br>67) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast  
>68) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"<br>69) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways  
>70) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor<br>71) I will not use the phrase, "Get a Life" when talking to Voldemort  
>72) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy<br>73) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling  
>74) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"<br>75) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell  
>76) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate<br>77) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween  
>78) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bees"<br>79) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge  
>80) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"<br>81) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm, not even if they are in Slytherin  
>82) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers<br>83) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion  
>84) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"<br>85) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts  
>86) I do not have an Edward Cullen Patronous<br>87) I will not lick Trevor  
>88) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey"<br>89) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween  
>90) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously<br>91) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions  
>92) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet<br>93) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice  
>94) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God<p> 


End file.
